Going to Grand Century to do anything is a hassle. I picked up some contacts and ordered more today, but they don't take my parents' insurance, so I have to pay and then have the insurance company pay us back. Blah blah blah. After going to the optometrist, I went into the mall to get my mom some nuoc mia. The guy charged me $8 for 2. After paying, I looked at the signs posted with the menu. Nuoc mia was $3.49. $3.49 times two... is.... not $8. I guess he took me for a fool cuz I don't look very Vietnamese-y. Like an ABC but the Vietnamese equivalent. I debated whether I should ask for the $1 back, but I decided not to. My mom told me I was stupid when I got home. I didn't intend to tell her the price, but... eh, long story. My mom just likes to complain about small stuff that Vietnamese moms would all complain about. I got frustrated listening to her, asking, "Do you want it or not?" cuz she thinks I didn't go to the right store blah blah blah. My dad just told my mom to forget about it and that she didn't even tell me where to get it so how would I know blah blah blah. I went upstairs to my room and found I was sucking on air through my straw. I opened my cup of nuoc mia and found that 3/4 of the cup was packed with ice.
Stupid grand century.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Not Too Bad
Nat King Cole - Autumn Leaves (French)
I absolutely love this song in this version from this singer. I can't find the French version anywhere except for Pandora, so I can only hope the luck is on my side to hear it.
This weekend turned out to be a lot better than I'd expected.
I went to my first Friday chemistry lecture of the quarter and went to Sacramento with my parents to visit family since we weren't able to do so before Tet. I was really dreading it because I never love going to Sacramento; I usually find myself just sitting around, staring off. It's not horrible, but since we were going to stay the night also, I grumbled a lot. Antoine's birthday party was also that night, so I was a little bitter that I was going to miss it after not hanging out with him for about.. 4 years?
At around 4:30, we arrived at my grandparents' house at which we were going to also stay the night. There was going to be a family dinner at my aunt's in the evening, so I had a lot of time to kill. My uncle, Bac Tien, served me pho after bragging about how his pho is hella bomb (though not in those words). It was... pretty bad. My parents agreed with my thoughts, but of course, none of us said it aloud. My mom made a few comments on how it wasn't sweet enough and that it was too salty. I'm not sure if it was the saltiness that got me; I can't describe it correctly, but it tasted to me like it came from a powder and more water needed to be added.
The family dinner was alright. I'm pretty indifferent to most things. The food was fine to me. We were having hot pot with noodles, and I didn't think the broth was very flavorful and there was some weird additional dip for whatever was cooked in the hot pot, but I thought it was okay. My parents corrected me in the car during the trip back home the following day by saying it was some of the worst they'd ever had. Whoops. Anyway, I hung out with my cousins a bit. We played Apples to Apples and Cranium. I'm usually pretty competitive, but I was tired and playing with mostly 12 year olds. My cousin, Thuy Linh, is pretty chill. She's 12 years old, I think, but she was a painnnnn when she was a little kid. Now she's pretty cool, but I can't say the same for all of her friends. I don't mean to pick on little girls, but two of her friends whose names I forgot seemed really... stupid, and it's not just because they were both on the opposing team haha. They just acted very dimwitted and kept messing up Cranium. For example, if you're supposed to draw and try to get your teammates to guess the word/phrase, your teammates can't see the word on the card because.. obviously, they're supposed to guess! They kept showing each other the card and looking at the answer while my team kept yelling at them to stop fucking up (again, not in those words).
One of my cousins who is a year younger than me, Thuy Dan, is cool to talk to. I'm not close to any of my cousins, regrettably, but we always have okay small talk, though I hate small talk. Anyway, she has a new boyfriend who goes home with her every weekend she goes home from UOP, I guess. At first glance, I thought, She could do better. I didn't talk to him, but he seems alright in the average, unspectacular way (I try not to judge..). She left her house early with her boyfriend to go to a hotel to stay with his parents who were visiting from LA. According to my aunt, his parents asked Thuy Dan to stay with them for a night. Call me traditional, but that's just absurd. Maybe if they all went vacationing together, that would be reasonable to stay with the boyfriend's parents, but she left home to stay at a hotel with them. I can't really put my finger on it, but I find it weird. What surprised me most was that my uncle and aunt approved. I guess my aunt has gotten soft, but I would've expected my uncle to immediately dismiss such a proposition. I thought it was really strange, but it's not my business, so I really don't care that much.
After returning to my grandparents' house, everyone went to sleep. I went back and forth through being asleep and being awake throughout the night because of random late-night conversations and texts with friends. The next morning, my parents and I made some rounds to different relatives' houses to say goodbye. We said bye to my grandparents, an uncle, an aunt, another uncle who wasn't at home but at my grandparents', my grandparents again, my aunt's mom who isn't my grandma, then finally left! It was a long ordeal that spanned across 3 hours.
The best moments of being in Sacramento were when we were sitting around the table at my grandparents'. I don't have much to contribute to the family gossip, and I'm glad I don't have to get involved with that bullshit, but when the subject changed to something other than drama, I felt happy to just sit there and listen. I chimed in now and then, but I was happy listening to my grandparents. My grandma is still healthy mentally though it's hard for her to do much physically; my grandpa seems a lot healthier. He stopped talking after he moved to Sacramento and whenever he did talk, he was always distressed about something. This weekend, he was able to even joke a little. When I was saying bye to him, he started to get upset like he usually does, and I tried to hug him, but he didn't want me to and mumbled something about being a burden and wanting to die early. It sounds pretty dramatic, and hearing it isn't great, but he does that a lot, so we try to just smile and laugh it off, saying, "Don't be ridiculous." He continued to mumble and told me, "You know I love you, right?" I don't know, I just felt sad. I think it's because all of my life, I've never really been able to express to my grandparents how much I appreciated them other than through elementary Vietnamese phrases, hugs and kisses, and stupid smiles. I think it was sad that he had to say that, as if I didn't know already.
When I got home yesterday, I made Antoine a flan cake in memory of the days we used to be close and when he made one for my birthday and gave it to him last night. I forgot his mom was vegan, so I brought it to his house and she was like, "Ohh.. we'll take it from your heart, but we don't eat it." Antoine isn't a vegetarian, but his mom doesn't know. I felt really stupid for forgetting. Epic fail. We still ate some in his room though. It was my first attempt at making flan cake. It was pretty good, but I think I had too much caramel, so each bite got closer to sickeningly sweet. We only managed to eat half, and flan cake isn't even filling, so that wasn't much. We watched Taken and Vicky Cristina Barcelona on his 30something inch LCD. I've seen most of Taken already since it's actually a somewhat old movie, but I wanted to see the whole thing on a big screen (I suggested seeing it in theatres, but he wanted to just watch it at his house). I really liked it; it was so badass. VCB was a little awkward to watch cuz of all the sensual scenes, but I got over it by the 3rd one. We also tried watching some TV shows and part of Chocolate, but it quickly became 6:30AM, so he took me home. By the way, sorry Larry for not being able to talk to you on the phone!
The end of my weekend is going to suck though. School work. Chemistry lab report time.
I absolutely love this song in this version from this singer. I can't find the French version anywhere except for Pandora, so I can only hope the luck is on my side to hear it.
This weekend turned out to be a lot better than I'd expected.
I went to my first Friday chemistry lecture of the quarter and went to Sacramento with my parents to visit family since we weren't able to do so before Tet. I was really dreading it because I never love going to Sacramento; I usually find myself just sitting around, staring off. It's not horrible, but since we were going to stay the night also, I grumbled a lot. Antoine's birthday party was also that night, so I was a little bitter that I was going to miss it after not hanging out with him for about.. 4 years?
At around 4:30, we arrived at my grandparents' house at which we were going to also stay the night. There was going to be a family dinner at my aunt's in the evening, so I had a lot of time to kill. My uncle, Bac Tien, served me pho after bragging about how his pho is hella bomb (though not in those words). It was... pretty bad. My parents agreed with my thoughts, but of course, none of us said it aloud. My mom made a few comments on how it wasn't sweet enough and that it was too salty. I'm not sure if it was the saltiness that got me; I can't describe it correctly, but it tasted to me like it came from a powder and more water needed to be added.
The family dinner was alright. I'm pretty indifferent to most things. The food was fine to me. We were having hot pot with noodles, and I didn't think the broth was very flavorful and there was some weird additional dip for whatever was cooked in the hot pot, but I thought it was okay. My parents corrected me in the car during the trip back home the following day by saying it was some of the worst they'd ever had. Whoops. Anyway, I hung out with my cousins a bit. We played Apples to Apples and Cranium. I'm usually pretty competitive, but I was tired and playing with mostly 12 year olds. My cousin, Thuy Linh, is pretty chill. She's 12 years old, I think, but she was a painnnnn when she was a little kid. Now she's pretty cool, but I can't say the same for all of her friends. I don't mean to pick on little girls, but two of her friends whose names I forgot seemed really... stupid, and it's not just because they were both on the opposing team haha. They just acted very dimwitted and kept messing up Cranium. For example, if you're supposed to draw and try to get your teammates to guess the word/phrase, your teammates can't see the word on the card because.. obviously, they're supposed to guess! They kept showing each other the card and looking at the answer while my team kept yelling at them to stop fucking up (again, not in those words).
One of my cousins who is a year younger than me, Thuy Dan, is cool to talk to. I'm not close to any of my cousins, regrettably, but we always have okay small talk, though I hate small talk. Anyway, she has a new boyfriend who goes home with her every weekend she goes home from UOP, I guess. At first glance, I thought, She could do better. I didn't talk to him, but he seems alright in the average, unspectacular way (I try not to judge..). She left her house early with her boyfriend to go to a hotel to stay with his parents who were visiting from LA. According to my aunt, his parents asked Thuy Dan to stay with them for a night. Call me traditional, but that's just absurd. Maybe if they all went vacationing together, that would be reasonable to stay with the boyfriend's parents, but she left home to stay at a hotel with them. I can't really put my finger on it, but I find it weird. What surprised me most was that my uncle and aunt approved. I guess my aunt has gotten soft, but I would've expected my uncle to immediately dismiss such a proposition. I thought it was really strange, but it's not my business, so I really don't care that much.
After returning to my grandparents' house, everyone went to sleep. I went back and forth through being asleep and being awake throughout the night because of random late-night conversations and texts with friends. The next morning, my parents and I made some rounds to different relatives' houses to say goodbye. We said bye to my grandparents, an uncle, an aunt, another uncle who wasn't at home but at my grandparents', my grandparents again, my aunt's mom who isn't my grandma, then finally left! It was a long ordeal that spanned across 3 hours.
The best moments of being in Sacramento were when we were sitting around the table at my grandparents'. I don't have much to contribute to the family gossip, and I'm glad I don't have to get involved with that bullshit, but when the subject changed to something other than drama, I felt happy to just sit there and listen. I chimed in now and then, but I was happy listening to my grandparents. My grandma is still healthy mentally though it's hard for her to do much physically; my grandpa seems a lot healthier. He stopped talking after he moved to Sacramento and whenever he did talk, he was always distressed about something. This weekend, he was able to even joke a little. When I was saying bye to him, he started to get upset like he usually does, and I tried to hug him, but he didn't want me to and mumbled something about being a burden and wanting to die early. It sounds pretty dramatic, and hearing it isn't great, but he does that a lot, so we try to just smile and laugh it off, saying, "Don't be ridiculous." He continued to mumble and told me, "You know I love you, right?" I don't know, I just felt sad. I think it's because all of my life, I've never really been able to express to my grandparents how much I appreciated them other than through elementary Vietnamese phrases, hugs and kisses, and stupid smiles. I think it was sad that he had to say that, as if I didn't know already.
When I got home yesterday, I made Antoine a flan cake in memory of the days we used to be close and when he made one for my birthday and gave it to him last night. I forgot his mom was vegan, so I brought it to his house and she was like, "Ohh.. we'll take it from your heart, but we don't eat it." Antoine isn't a vegetarian, but his mom doesn't know. I felt really stupid for forgetting. Epic fail. We still ate some in his room though. It was my first attempt at making flan cake. It was pretty good, but I think I had too much caramel, so each bite got closer to sickeningly sweet. We only managed to eat half, and flan cake isn't even filling, so that wasn't much. We watched Taken and Vicky Cristina Barcelona on his 30something inch LCD. I've seen most of Taken already since it's actually a somewhat old movie, but I wanted to see the whole thing on a big screen (I suggested seeing it in theatres, but he wanted to just watch it at his house). I really liked it; it was so badass. VCB was a little awkward to watch cuz of all the sensual scenes, but I got over it by the 3rd one. We also tried watching some TV shows and part of Chocolate, but it quickly became 6:30AM, so he took me home. By the way, sorry Larry for not being able to talk to you on the phone!
The end of my weekend is going to suck though. School work. Chemistry lab report time.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
AIM Adventures #1
[15:43] 4: do u wanna cuddle
[15:44] Mi Xao ngon: yah
[15:44] 4: wtf
[15:44] 4: really
[15:44] Mi Xao ngon: ya
[15:44] Mi Xao ngon: i'm actually talking to a friend about how today is perfect cuddle day
[earlier conversation]
[15:26] any: watcha up to?
[15:27] Mi Xao ngon: lying down in bed
[15:27] Mi Xao ngon: aloneeee
[15:28] Mi Xao ngon: this is one of those days where i wouldn't mind sleeping all day with someone
[15:28] any: ahahaha
[/end earlier conversation]
[15:45] 4: do you have a book to read too
[15:45] Mi Xao ngon: ?
[15:48] 4: like we can cuddle
[15:48] 4: and read a book too
[15:49] Mi Xao ngon: mm i'm not gonna cuddle with you
[15:49] 4: oh
pwned.
[15:44] Mi Xao ngon: yah
[15:44] 4: wtf
[15:44] 4: really
[15:44] Mi Xao ngon: ya
[15:44] Mi Xao ngon: i'm actually talking to a friend about how today is perfect cuddle day
[earlier conversation]
[15:26] any: watcha up to?
[15:27] Mi Xao ngon: lying down in bed
[15:27] Mi Xao ngon: aloneeee
[15:28] Mi Xao ngon: this is one of those days where i wouldn't mind sleeping all day with someone
[15:28] any: ahahaha
[/end earlier conversation]
[15:45] 4: do you have a book to read too
[15:45] Mi Xao ngon: ?
[15:48] 4: like we can cuddle
[15:48] 4: and read a book too
[15:49] Mi Xao ngon: mm i'm not gonna cuddle with you
[15:49] 4: oh
pwned.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Thoughts
Fat Joe - Make It Rain (Remix)
The only song in which I can stand Lil Wayne.
I really hate Lil Wayne. I hate that he thinks he's the best rapper alive when he is so far from that. Suck my dick.
I was dating this guy and I still like him, but he likes his ex now. Worst luck evar. He still hugs me and kisses me on the cheek though. Should I be a bitch? Wouldn't that make him not like me..? Actually, I think I have don't have a chance anymore because I think he's already talking to his ex. Errrrrrggghhh. I'm lousy at getting over guys.
This guy who used to like me texts and IMs me now and then. I told him that I don't ever want to speak to him again a long time ago, but he still reaches out to me sometimes randomly. Should I tell him to shut up and fuck off? Note: He had a girlfriend who he is still with and probably still goes around cheating on her/ dating on the side. I just want to put him in his place because who he is he to think that he can do that? It's not a big deal though, so I've just been ignoring him so far. I hate that these guys I don't want to talk to ever again keep trying to talk to me.
Tracy just showed me this stream. Hella cute.
Free TV Show from Ustream
The only song in which I can stand Lil Wayne.
I really hate Lil Wayne. I hate that he thinks he's the best rapper alive when he is so far from that. Suck my dick.
I was dating this guy and I still like him, but he likes his ex now. Worst luck evar. He still hugs me and kisses me on the cheek though. Should I be a bitch? Wouldn't that make him not like me..? Actually, I think I have don't have a chance anymore because I think he's already talking to his ex. Errrrrrggghhh. I'm lousy at getting over guys.
This guy who used to like me texts and IMs me now and then. I told him that I don't ever want to speak to him again a long time ago, but he still reaches out to me sometimes randomly. Should I tell him to shut up and fuck off? Note: He had a girlfriend who he is still with and probably still goes around cheating on her/ dating on the side. I just want to put him in his place because who he is he to think that he can do that? It's not a big deal though, so I've just been ignoring him so far. I hate that these guys I don't want to talk to ever again keep trying to talk to me.
Tracy just showed me this stream. Hella cute.
Free TV Show from Ustream
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Lazy Sunday
I was extremely lazy today. Hopefully I'll be productive over the next couple of hours.
My day started by waking up at 1PM. I hate doing that when I intend to get a lot of work done, cuz it's just no way to start. I was going to go to MLK to study and do homework, and I didn't. I stayed at home doing nothing instead :[ Then I went to a birthday dinner at Hukilau. I've never eaten there before and I didn't like it that much. Too much gravy on my tonkatsu with barely enough rice. I've never really eaten Hawaiian food before. Everyone used to always go to L&L, but I still have never tried it, and especially after today, I don't want to. Call me crazy, Larry.
Now I'm uselessly blogging. Nothing important or interesting on this end of the Internet. Just bored -_-. I should definitely use all this wasted time on my UC applications instead..
My day started by waking up at 1PM. I hate doing that when I intend to get a lot of work done, cuz it's just no way to start. I was going to go to MLK to study and do homework, and I didn't. I stayed at home doing nothing instead :[ Then I went to a birthday dinner at Hukilau. I've never eaten there before and I didn't like it that much. Too much gravy on my tonkatsu with barely enough rice. I've never really eaten Hawaiian food before. Everyone used to always go to L&L, but I still have never tried it, and especially after today, I don't want to. Call me crazy, Larry.
Now I'm uselessly blogging. Nothing important or interesting on this end of the Internet. Just bored -_-. I should definitely use all this wasted time on my UC applications instead..
Sunday, November 02, 2008
An Interesting Night
Stars - Reunion
First song to play on my Pandora. Somewhat fitting, at least the title is.
Wow, I haven't been on this thing for a long ass time. It's been almost a year since my last post. After reading Larry's blog, I felt like posting. *shrug* I guess I've changed a lot in a year. I should have, at least. My last post was such a downer.. Well, I don't plan on keeping this long, so maybe I should skip all the updates and go over my Halloween night. It'll probably a more interesting read for Larry, the only person who would read this. :]
My Halloween night began at a friend's birthday/ Halloween party. I'll be frank. It was pretty boring. Before I even left the house, I knew it wasn't going to be great. I don't know why I didn't go with my friends to Berkeley to party. I guess I just thought it was too far. After staying for what seemed a polite duration (if there is such thing), Phillip (my ride) and I left. On the way back, I called Leland to see if he was still planning to go to Berkeley to party (a separate party from my friends' plan) with Larry. He didn't go yet and didn't care about sneaking out, so we were on our way. Yay, spontaneity. We got to Larry's "penthouse" with little misdirection and surprised him. Seeing some high school friends I haven't seen in a while was cool too.
The place was packed! I had to excuse me-sorry my way through many rooms and hallways, one in which I got fingered. Some sick bastard decided to just run his finger up my skirt. [TANGENT&RANT] I swear I knew who the fool was as it was happening to me. There was a guy close to me, creepily staring at me as it happened as if he was waiting for a positive reaction. I should've just punched the 3 guys (alright, maybe it was a girl.. whatever.) closest to me, but I just decided to move through the crowd. [/END TANGENT&RANT]
Despite all the people, I didn't meet many new people; I just hung out with the people I already knew from middle and high school, most of whom were the hosts. I'm usually very social at parties, but I guess it's because I have a shorter attention span when I drink, so I just talk to whoever's next to me. I met some of Larry's Oakland friends. One was a guy named Hieu who I talked to while getting jungle juice (and having strangers spill it all over me). He was grinding on me earlier that night (yes, greatness.. -_-). He was kind of cute, I think. I can't really remember now, but what I do remember is my friend, Simrunn, catching up with me, standing in between Hieu and myself, talking to me a lot about who knows what, Hieu eventually walking away, and my getting cockblocked (or.. kittyblocked, rather. whatever.) I thought that was a little funny. At the end of the night, all we exchanged were names and and a hug. Disappointing.
What was also funny, and a little awkward, was Robert Chao hitting on me. Yup. I honestly see him as a brother at most. He was wrapping his arms around me and saying I was his main girl and that he no longer had a girlfriend (which was a lie, haha). I think it was a mix of him being drunk and my costume being somewhat of a catalyst, not to say it was great, but it called for some of that attention, I guess. Everytime a guy said he liked it or that he loved me, I just replied, "Yah, I know." I don't like to stop for fools.
I surprisingly had a lot of fun. The surprising element is that I was sober. Sober fun at a party. I probably would have had a lot more fun if I drank.
This post was long. I give up.
First song to play on my Pandora. Somewhat fitting, at least the title is.
Wow, I haven't been on this thing for a long ass time. It's been almost a year since my last post. After reading Larry's blog, I felt like posting. *shrug* I guess I've changed a lot in a year. I should have, at least. My last post was such a downer.. Well, I don't plan on keeping this long, so maybe I should skip all the updates and go over my Halloween night. It'll probably a more interesting read for Larry, the only person who would read this. :]
My Halloween night began at a friend's birthday/ Halloween party. I'll be frank. It was pretty boring. Before I even left the house, I knew it wasn't going to be great. I don't know why I didn't go with my friends to Berkeley to party. I guess I just thought it was too far. After staying for what seemed a polite duration (if there is such thing), Phillip (my ride) and I left. On the way back, I called Leland to see if he was still planning to go to Berkeley to party (a separate party from my friends' plan) with Larry. He didn't go yet and didn't care about sneaking out, so we were on our way. Yay, spontaneity. We got to Larry's "penthouse" with little misdirection and surprised him. Seeing some high school friends I haven't seen in a while was cool too.The place was packed! I had to excuse me-sorry my way through many rooms and hallways, one in which I got fingered. Some sick bastard decided to just run his finger up my skirt. [TANGENT&RANT] I swear I knew who the fool was as it was happening to me. There was a guy close to me, creepily staring at me as it happened as if he was waiting for a positive reaction. I should've just punched the 3 guys (alright, maybe it was a girl.. whatever.) closest to me, but I just decided to move through the crowd. [/END TANGENT&RANT]
Despite all the people, I didn't meet many new people; I just hung out with the people I already knew from middle and high school, most of whom were the hosts. I'm usually very social at parties, but I guess it's because I have a shorter attention span when I drink, so I just talk to whoever's next to me. I met some of Larry's Oakland friends. One was a guy named Hieu who I talked to while getting jungle juice (and having strangers spill it all over me). He was grinding on me earlier that night (yes, greatness.. -_-). He was kind of cute, I think. I can't really remember now, but what I do remember is my friend, Simrunn, catching up with me, standing in between Hieu and myself, talking to me a lot about who knows what, Hieu eventually walking away, and my getting cockblocked (or.. kittyblocked, rather. whatever.) I thought that was a little funny. At the end of the night, all we exchanged were names and and a hug. Disappointing.
What was also funny, and a little awkward, was Robert Chao hitting on me. Yup. I honestly see him as a brother at most. He was wrapping his arms around me and saying I was his main girl and that he no longer had a girlfriend (which was a lie, haha). I think it was a mix of him being drunk and my costume being somewhat of a catalyst, not to say it was great, but it called for some of that attention, I guess. Everytime a guy said he liked it or that he loved me, I just replied, "Yah, I know." I don't like to stop for fools.
I surprisingly had a lot of fun. The surprising element is that I was sober. Sober fun at a party. I probably would have had a lot more fun if I drank.
This post was long. I give up.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
But I Couldn't Make You See It...
John Mayer - Slow Dancing In a Burning Room
Nobody's going to come and save you...
Kenneth and I broke up.
He was my perfect boyfriend, and he says I was his ideal (though I think that idea died long ago), but we weren't happy. He broke up with me, and I am still in love with him, but I don't think I was completely happy either. I'm sure he was less happy than I was though. I think I need a long time off to think about the things I really want, and whether whatever those are includes a relationship. I'm really sad that we broke up, but I think it's not only because I loved him, but also because I loved the thought of him. I'm still unclear about how I feel about this, but I just know that I'm grateful for Kenneth being my first love. And every time I think of him from now on, I'm going to beat myself up repeatedly with a mental bat for fucking up our relationship that I couldn't even dare to dream of.
Well, fuck.
Nobody's going to come and save you...
Kenneth and I broke up.
He was my perfect boyfriend, and he says I was his ideal (though I think that idea died long ago), but we weren't happy. He broke up with me, and I am still in love with him, but I don't think I was completely happy either. I'm sure he was less happy than I was though. I think I need a long time off to think about the things I really want, and whether whatever those are includes a relationship. I'm really sad that we broke up, but I think it's not only because I loved him, but also because I loved the thought of him. I'm still unclear about how I feel about this, but I just know that I'm grateful for Kenneth being my first love. And every time I think of him from now on, I'm going to beat myself up repeatedly with a mental bat for fucking up our relationship that I couldn't even dare to dream of.
Well, fuck.
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