Thoughts About the Mom

Umbrellas - Tests on My Heart
("And I don't want you to save me. What if you did? You'd succeed, and you'd be bored, and leave. I'd be back at square one, and it's such a bad place to begin." Yes, boys suck.)

Yesterday, I went shopping with my mom. She is the perfect shopping buddy. I know, she pays for my clothes, but not only that, she's not the type to linger around you, making you rush, or making you feel guilty for making her wait. She does her own shopping, but we're still able to help each other out. I especially like helping her.. (My mom has some odd fascination with lace. I'll just blame the Vietnamese genetics.) Anyway, we spent a lot of money, but I also bought her clothes and Jamba Juice. It wasn't anything in comparison to what she spent on me for clothes alone, but I still liked doing it anyway. It was my first time really getting her anything since I got my job. I buy her food and such, but I guess clothes are a bigger deal. When we were heading home from Oakridge, I was just sitting in the van, thinking, When she dies, I'm going to be so sad. I don't know why. I just thought about our bonding times, and how we barely argue anymore (We used to argue a lot more.). I guess I just came to thinking about that cuz we went to Sactown recently, and my grandpa has changed so much. He went from being jolly and healthy to scared and pale, since he moved to Sactown (Something we shouldn't have done). I got scared when I saw him, not cuz he was scary looking, but cuz I knew that soon.. So, I got to thinking about my mom. Everything I'm proud of about myself, I got from her. She's made me into the person I am, and I'm glad of it. When my morals get muddled, she helps clear them up (Such as the "Guys suck" morality). And no one cuts my hair like she does (I wouldn't really know since she's cut my hair all my life, but I like the way she cuts my hair). Imagining my life without her, I feel like I'd crash and burn. I wash the vegetables, she cuts them (I have no skills with the knife whatsoever. Fucking tomatoes.). She washes the clothes, I hang, dry, and fold them (Course, most of this is stuff that we did at the old house. Now that my unemployed aunt lives with us, she does pretty much everything.). I really don't know what I'm going to do without my mom. She tells people we're like sisters, and though it sounded funny to me at first, we really are, except that respect is still intact. Despite all my upsets and disappointments, she still manages to be proud of me. I never understood why, but I guess it's just a motherly thing. I'm really going to miss all the times we've had, and will have, together. It scares me to think that she won't always be here.

I'm gonna stop thinking about that. Gah.

I have to take my senior portrait again cuz their camera messed up or something. I have another chance to not do my hair and throw own some make up.. maybe I should actually try this time. Who knows.

I love Ken Oak Band. The lyrics to their newest song, taken from their site:
"trampoline"

i saw her bouncing on a trampoline
the grass was blue and the sky was green
angels' dust on the tips of her wings
it's like you've never seen
and you forget to breathe at all

her hair was flowin'
a cool wind was blowin'
i said 'hello there miss...'
you know you've really got a lovely smile
so would you give me a kiss
if i leaned in like this
i won't tell nobody at all
no i won't tell nobody at all

i could be your fantasy
all but the crown and cape
if you can show me some reality
there's only so much i can take
we can sip on some mushrooms in tea
anything you please
it doesn't faze me at all

my thoughts were clearing
her tone was endearing
she said 'you're good at this...'
my dreams were truthful to me all the while
so would you give me a kiss
if i leaned in like this
i won't tell nobody at at all
no i won't tell nobody at all
no i won't tell nobody

then we stopped dancing
your hands in my hands and
my focus on your lips
and it's hard to resist when you're looking like this
the shape in your dress isn't too hard to miss
thunder and lightning and all this excitement is making me blind
but i won't tell nobody at all
no i won't tell nobody at all
no i won't tell nobody at all
no i won't tell nobody at all